The average Christian male is up to his gold cross in debts and duties. He has a “picture” in his mind of what it means to be a “good Christian.” He believes in this picture—it’s what he thinks he “needs” to do to be a “good boy”—to be happy.The reason I mention it here is that I think Morley has captured one of the primary problems we face today. There are too many good things we MUST do it be happy. Looking over this list, there isn't one of them that I'd say should not be on the list of stuff I really should be doing. I just don't do most of these things.
No wonder men wince when you ask them to do something.
- I need to spend quality time with my wife.
- I need to be a super dad to my kids and attend (maybe coach) all their activities. My dad did (or didn’t) do this for me, and I’m going to be there for them.
- I need to make lots of money so my family can live in a beautiful home in a “better” neighborhood, my kids can wear the right labels, there is less pressure on my wife to work, and I can become financially independent.
- I need to join a men’s small group where I can grow with some brothers.
- I need to attend a weekly home growth and fellowship group.
- I need to have a daily quiet time for fellowship with God.
- I need to keep the Sabbath and have my family in church to worship God.
- I need to serve God through a personal ministry—probably through the church.
- I need to be a good citizen and neighbor.
- I need to be a star at work if all this is going to happen.
- I need a successful and satisfying career.
- I need some time for myself.
There is a simmering guilt in the background of most of my days. I have a nagging feeling that I'm not really doing enough...of anything. Morley mentions this in the article as well.
I don't have an answer. There isn't one in the article either. I was encouraged to see that it's not just me that feels this way.
4 comments:
Ok, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, let me see if I can help you out some with that list. Hmmm...
* Join the small group or the home group, but not both. You don't want people to think you're "relational." This works best if combined with Monday Night Football.
* Your kids are grown. I think you can stop hanging out at the Little League field now.
* Let your ministry be ushering so you get it out of the way on Sunday morning and don't have to go back up to church all week.
* Convince your wife she's a geek. That way you can count time with her as time for yourself.
* Forget about making lots of money. It's too late for you.
* Same goes for the career, by the way.
* Star at work? 'nuff said.
Ok, how did we do? By my count we managed to get 12 items down to 3:
* Go to church only on Sunday mornings and volunteer as an usher.
* Hang out at your pal's house watching football once a week.
* Spend the rest of the week hacking on his and hers PCs.
Sound better?
Oh yeah, I forgot one. Listen to Christian radio on your way to work and call that your quiet time.
Bill, you forgot about "The Grandpa Factor." That makes Little League look like child's play. :-)
Other than that, I like your list of three better. I think I'll try it!
Yeah, I forgot you are "of a certain age"!
Seriously, though, Morley has identified a very real issue. I don't think it's exclusively a male issue, either, it just presents a little differently in women. In fact, they would probably say that we men know nothing of being too busy. How would you like to have Proverbs 31 hanging over your head all the time?
Part of our problem is getting sucked into our culture's definition of success. But there's another specifically Christian angle that I think Morley has put his finger on. I've thought about this a lot over the last few months. I think most of us are too distracted with our own personal holiness (or lack thereof). We have a performance-oriented scorecard for ourselves with columns for everything from "good quiet time" to "exercising regularly" to "keep your eyes off the ladies". None of these things are bad, but they are not ends in themselves. Instead they are supposed to be the fruit of an internal transformation that takes place when I following hard after God and staying plugged into him. Jesus tells us in John 15 that he is the vine and we are the branches. The branch that is cut off from the vine can never bear fruit. True personal righteousness can only come about as a side effect of oneness with Christ and complete surrender to him.
It's not like I don't know this, but somehow the temptation is too great to take shortcuts. It's like I want to be sure I keep up appearances in the meantime. So I get caught up in my scorecard of externalities instead of going deeper into my relationship with the One who knows me best and, even so, loves me most.
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